All praise to Philip

We in Trollbridge have long felt that all religions contain some truth, because everyone is looking for his or her path to God (although of course we must accept that those who do not believe in God also have their share of the truth!)

We are thus very pleased to be holding a Mass for our Vanuatuan (New Hebridean) community this Sunday, to provide spiritual comfort to those who worship Prince Philip as a god.

His Grace the Archbishop of Tanna 

Kevin Tanna,  as he likes to be known, tells us, "It is a great honour and privilege to come to Trollbridge to celebrate the divinity of the White God From Over The Water. However, we would prefer it if our Mass were not disrupted by heretical devotees of Camilla the Sacred Llama or by followers of Prince Harry Krishna. They will get their opportunity on another occasion".

Although the Prince will not be present, on account of his advanced years and a prior engagement at the European bungee-jumping championships, we shall be having readings from the Gospel of Philip.

1. And it came to pass that Philip spake unto the traveller in Papua New Guinea, saying "You managed not to get eaten then?"

 2. Likewise, unto the Scottish driving instructor, he said, "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?”

 3. Then again, he spake unto the student in China, saying "If you stay here much longer, you’ll go home with slitty eyes.”

 4.  And it is written that he spake unto the fashion designer, saying, “Well, you didn’t design your beard too well, did you?”

We hope that many liberal Catholics will be able to attend!

George Galloway, my MP

Abdallah writes:

I hurl my shoes at the moderators on Damian Thompson's blog, who have so viciously deleted my posting about George Galloway. They are obviously annoyed because Sri Lanka lost the Test Match.

Here it is again:

As a Muslim living peacefully in Bradford with my numerous wives and countless camels, I wish to dissociate myself from the views of George Galloway, even though he has just been elected as my MP. I really cannot support a man who was a great friend of Saddam Hussein, and who appears on reality television shows impersonating a cat. My local Imam says that he has never impersonated a cat, and that Allah would not think it seemly. Moreover, I checked the blessed Koran, and I am fairly sure that the Prophet (PBUH) would never have gone "Miaou" or drunk from a saucer of milk. We leave that to the local Anglicans, who are known for their lack of dignity. Well, I hope that has helped. Pip-pip!