All praise to Philip

We in Trollbridge have long felt that all religions contain some truth, because everyone is looking for his or her path to God (although of course we must accept that those who do not believe in God also have their share of the truth!)

We are thus very pleased to be holding a Mass for our Vanuatuan (New Hebridean) community this Sunday, to provide spiritual comfort to those who worship Prince Philip as a god.

His Grace the Archbishop of Tanna 

Kevin Tanna,  as he likes to be known, tells us, "It is a great honour and privilege to come to Trollbridge to celebrate the divinity of the White God From Over The Water. However, we would prefer it if our Mass were not disrupted by heretical devotees of Camilla the Sacred Llama or by followers of Prince Harry Krishna. They will get their opportunity on another occasion".

Although the Prince will not be present, on account of his advanced years and a prior engagement at the European bungee-jumping championships, we shall be having readings from the Gospel of Philip.

1. And it came to pass that Philip spake unto the traveller in Papua New Guinea, saying "You managed not to get eaten then?"

 2. Likewise, unto the Scottish driving instructor, he said, "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?”

 3. Then again, he spake unto the student in China, saying "If you stay here much longer, you’ll go home with slitty eyes.”

 4.  And it is written that he spake unto the fashion designer, saying, “Well, you didn’t design your beard too well, did you?”

We hope that many liberal Catholics will be able to attend!

George Galloway, my MP

Abdallah writes:

I hurl my shoes at the moderators on Damian Thompson's blog, who have so viciously deleted my posting about George Galloway. They are obviously annoyed because Sri Lanka lost the Test Match.

Here it is again:

As a Muslim living peacefully in Bradford with my numerous wives and countless camels, I wish to dissociate myself from the views of George Galloway, even though he has just been elected as my MP. I really cannot support a man who was a great friend of Saddam Hussein, and who appears on reality television shows impersonating a cat. My local Imam says that he has never impersonated a cat, and that Allah would not think it seemly. Moreover, I checked the blessed Koran, and I am fairly sure that the Prophet (PBUH) would never have gone "Miaou" or drunk from a saucer of milk. We leave that to the local Anglicans, who are known for their lack of dignity. Well, I hope that has helped. Pip-pip!

Catholic Scientology

Ella Wrong-Cupboard

On Sunday, our diocese was pleased to host an ecumenical Catholic-Scientology service, conducted in the Lady Chapel of Trollbridge Cathedral by Mrs Ella Wrong-Cupboard, the famous Operating Thetan and Friend of Pluto (that's poor hungry Pluto in the picture above).

We sang some lively new hymns about how the Xenu came to Earth, and how the Way to Happiness involves taking all our worldly goods and giving them to the Religious Technology Centre in California. Also, Trollbridge's own Father Arthur preached an impassioned sermon explaining that as a result of Vatican II it was clear that Catholicism had to open its doors to other faiths, especially those that were not tied down by old-fashioned notions such as morality, duty and Godliness.



And there are diversities of operations, but the same God, who worketh all in all.
St Paul, believed to have been a high-level scientologist (1 Cor. 12:6)

Hussain greets you

Greetings, gentlemen! (If any shameless women are reading this blog, then I would ask them to get back to their duties of washing, cooking, massaging the camels, etc.) My name is Hussain, and I am the cousin of Abdallah the camel-dealer, who lives in Bradford with his numerous wives and children. Like Abdallah, I am a very pious Muslim, and think that Mohammed was a jolly good chap. As for that Koran book... wow! you won't find a better read, not even Effendi Cutley's racy new novel "Confessions of a school-teacher."

Two of my wives (probably Wofulla and Molybasha)

I live in the sacred city of Trollford, and I am truly grateful to Bishop Sletter for allowing me to post here, in a spirit of ecumenism. After all, are not Muslim beliefs and Catholic beliefs almost identical, when you come down to it? I'm sure that Oona Beattie would agree.

Well what a lovely day it is today. I am looking forward to Friday, when we men get a chance to go to the mosque and hear Mullah Al-Djolsaan preaching on "How to smite the infidel using only a pair of shoes and a packet of cornflakes". Then, perhaps, I will start a jihad against someone or search through the Koran looking for the more juicy bits. After that, we may try and get a stoning organized. Oh it is great to be a Muslim in modern Britain.